Chavez to play Newman

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has been granted new special powers after an extraordinary assembly vote in the main square of the capital, Caracas. First on his list of things to do was to create the long awaited biopic of Mad Magazine spokesman Alfred E. Newman. "This has been a life long dream of mine," he told his listeners, "and now that I have these magical powers, I can finally make that wish come true!" Chavez will star as Newman, despite having never acted professionally. American director Michael Bay is attached to direct and the release date is scheduled for March of 2008.

Hole-fowitz

Link:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6316765.stm

Seems the cheap bastard Paul Wolfowitz is even cheaper than we thought. Apparently he's too busy jerking off to himself in a full length mirror to go and buy a new pair of fucking socks. I just hope the neo con stink of his big toes didn't kill anyone in a five mile radius.

Duck Norris pt 2

Link:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6309159.stm

So Duck Norris has added a few extra tabs onto his chalkboard of badassness: Dying on the operating table, making everyone cry, and then coming back to life. This guy knows how to put on a fucking show, much like a certain bearded individual I know. He was killed, left for dead, and still came back to life, a week later. Coincidence? I think not.

Duck Norris

Link:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6283677.stm

You can kill his whole family, shoot his wing, and even put him in a fridge for two days, but even badass plucky ducks have their limit. This fool scared the shit out of his captor's wife, just to spite him. I think the headline following this story will read something like, "Tallahassee Hunter has stroke after attack by midnight snack. Savagely." Screw "The Crow," I'm all about "The Duck." At least this guy can get shot in an appandege and still be alive after two days. Ducks kick ass.

The Death Aquatic

Article Link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6270195.stm

How badly do you want a Nintendo Wii? Would you die for one? Apparently the DJs of Sacramento's KDND 107.9 think you should. These bastards sentenced poor old Jennifer Strange to something much worse than Chinese Water Torture; American Excess Water Torture. And here I thought fish slapping was painful, this poor woman died from straight drinking too much water. All of this for a chance to own a NIntendo Wii. Heartbreaking. An epic slice of Americana, as it were.

Here is a link to some water overdose FAQs. Make sure you read up and prevent an unwanted death by excessive water consumption.

A real Birdey!

Bird Behaviour is as erratic as ever in this classic shot from The Wall of Wall's Sporting Bloomers. Unfortunatly the photo has been censored so that you can't see the falafel that this guy has in his back pocket.