The Wall of Wall

Bike Sex

2007-11-14T13:31:00.000-08:00

A Scottish man named Robert Stewart was caught having sex with his bicycle by housekeeping in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr. Being very supportive of sexual exploration, I think that three years probation is a little much for this drunken hookup. I mean c'mon, he was just kickin back in the privacy of his own hostel room and drinkin some brews. The next thing you know, the bike is calling him a bitch and saying he doesn't know how to please a bike. A man has got to defend his honor, and most importantly, his skills at sexual bike gratification. Believe me, I understand. If someone broke into to my house while I was having sex with my guitar and arrested me, there'd be a serious price to pay. Hmm, maybe I should go out more...

Link

The Ka Bird

2007-07-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

This is creepy. I didn't know that owl's could get that thin. Poor bird.

Jim West, Desperado, Rough Rider. No, you don't want nada!

2007-07-05T23:05:00.000-07:00

Well once again it seems that The Wall of Wall is way ahead of the rest of the cultural armchair pundits in determining what the New Hotness really is. For years, we have talked about Will Smith and his classic films like "Wild, Wild West", "Men in Black 2" and of course "Hitch", then the other day we saw this ad in the uber-trendy Los Angeles magazine. It can only mean that finally the hipsters have caught on to the coolest cowboy in the wiki-tiki-tiki West, someone who's not afraid to go head to head with the biggest mechanical spiders around. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you mister Jim West!

Classic Quote Overheard at the Alibi Cafe

2007-06-30T22:42:00.001-07:00

"I think you're mistaking me for James Joyce"

Spiderwang

2007-05-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

Link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6625397.stm

As if Brazil wasn't weird enough, (you know, with the transexual bathrooms and all) apparently now their scientists have discovered a spider whose venom causes "long and painful erections." Classic. And just in time for the release of Spiderman 3. I wonder if there will be some sort of Viagra/ Spidey crossover ad campaign? I sure hope so.

Blazing Mouse

2007-02-07T22:28:00.000-08:00

Here's a classic from the Wall of Wall archives. An old man found a mouse knocking about his house and thought it would be perfectly humane to throw it on his bonfire, probably to add a hint of rodent to the smell of burning leaves. However, it turns out the mouse had other plans and ran back inside the house, setting the place on fire and destroying all of the man's home and possessions. Just another reason why not to trust a blazing mouse.

BBC story

Chavez to play Newman

2007-01-31T14:10:00.000-08:00

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has been granted new special powers after an extraordinary assembly vote in the main square of the capital, Caracas. First on his list of things to do was to create the long awaited biopic of Mad Magazine spokesman Alfred E. Newman. "This has been a life long dream of mine," he told his listeners, "and now that I have these magical powers, I can finally make that wish come true!" Chavez will star as Newman, despite having never acted professionally. American director Michael Bay is attached to direct and the release date is scheduled for March of 2008.

Hole-fowitz

2007-01-31T09:08:00.000-08:00

Link:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6316765.stm

Seems the cheap bastard Paul Wolfowitz is even cheaper than we thought. Apparently he's too busy jerking off to himself in a full length mirror to go and buy a new pair of fucking socks. I just hope the neo con stink of his big toes didn't kill anyone in a five mile radius.

Duck Norris pt 2

2007-01-29T12:37:00.000-08:00

Link:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6309159.stm

So Duck Norris has added a few extra tabs onto his chalkboard of badassness: Dying on the operating table, making everyone cry, and then coming back to life. This guy knows how to put on a fucking show, much like a certain bearded individual I know. He was killed, left for dead, and still came back to life, a week later. Coincidence? I think not.

Duck Norris

2007-01-21T12:43:00.001-08:00

Link:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6283677.stm

You can kill his whole family, shoot his wing, and even put him in a fridge for two days, but even badass plucky ducks have their limit. This fool scared the shit out of his captor's wife, just to spite him. I think the headline following this story will read something like, "Tallahassee Hunter has stroke after attack by midnight snack. Savagely." Screw "The Crow," I'm all about "The Duck." At least this guy can get shot in an appandege and still be alive after two days. Ducks kick ass.

The Death Aquatic

2007-01-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

Article Link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6270195.stm

How badly do you want a Nintendo Wii? Would you die for one? Apparently the DJs of Sacramento's KDND 107.9 think you should. These bastards sentenced poor old Jennifer Strange to something much worse than Chinese Water Torture; American Excess Water Torture. And here I thought fish slapping was painful, this poor woman died from straight drinking too much water. All of this for a chance to own a NIntendo Wii. Heartbreaking. An epic slice of Americana, as it were.

Here is a link to some water overdose FAQs. Make sure you read up and prevent an unwanted death by excessive water consumption.

A real Birdey!

2007-01-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

Bird Behaviour is as erratic as ever in this classic shot from The Wall of Wall's Sporting Bloomers. Unfortunatly the photo has been censored so that you can't see the falafel that this guy has in his back pocket.

Give me Liberty, or give me Falafels.

2006-12-25T10:44:00.000-08:00

How often does one see blatant propaganda on the streets anymore? Not often enough, that's what I always say. Much to my surprise and joy, I came across this little jem on the corner of Hollis and Powell in our fair city of Emeryville. And here I was foolishly doubting the kickassness of our fair brother country Israel. Boy was I mistaken. I mean c'mon, "Not Censored"? Falafels? Polo Shirts? Israel kicks ass.

Stepping into Christmas

2006-12-25T01:08:00.000-08:00

HO HO HO! Have you been you been good boys and girls this year? Well I'll tell you one entity that has been especially stellar this past twelve months, your very own The Wall of Wall. And such a shining perfomance deserve a reward fitting of it, so here for you is The Wall of Wall's Christmas Wish List. It is your object to round up as many of these items as possible and stuff The Wall of Wall's stocking before it wakes up just before midday on Christmas. Since that is rather soon, I suggest you get on it Post Haste.

Happy Holidays to all of your Wall of Wallers and look out for more Wall of Wall action in the new year.

The Tall of Tall

2006-12-14T13:10:00.000-08:00

Link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6178659.stm

Quite possibly the coolest story in the world, ever. Take that Robert Wadlow, Bao Xishun is gonna kick your ass with dolphinic stomac lining. Hmm, maybe this is appropriate subject matter for me to finally do a wall of wall original...

"Nude times in Joe Weatherly's Class"

2006-08-31T15:00:00.001-07:00

The following is the centerpiece of the original Wall of Wall and the digital version should be no different. Thanks to Tom Preti for the title.

I bet that you look good on the dancefloor!

2006-08-23T00:05:00.000-07:00

What would The Wall of Wall be without a huge slice of dancing action? The answer doesn't even bear thinking about. So for my latest bi-monthly improv, I thought it was time to cut a rug on the dancefloor with this sampling of robot-human courtship. Take it away, Ruben!

Fish Dapper Slapper

2006-08-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/5267392.stm

In the spirit of the piano man, BBC online conitues to keep up us up to date on the world's most important daily events. Here's the latest about the infamous fish slapper. Charity? I think not. The english seem to have gone back to their medieval ways in regards to discipline by the state. Next thing you know they will be dropping bricks on people who pay their taxes late...

"Seriously though, folks, do you want some mor?"

2006-08-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

Antonio gets his belly laughs comped courtesy of ol' RiggaTony and his classic stand up routine.

Fakest laugh ever

2006-07-05T23:30:00.000-07:00

Poor ol' Jerry Seinfeld in an awkward laughter type sitiation with a couple of his new "friends", who have obviously either just seen the funniest thing in existence or they have been "comped".

The Wall of Wall promises a real monthly improv sooner rather than later.

The Monthly Improv

2006-06-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

For all you Wall of Wall advocates, I thought I should set the done pocket straight. The current CCAJ military target is a for a bit of my festive nonsensical-ness on at least a monthly basis, maybe earlier if you scream loud enough. Call it my monthly improv, if you will. Cya you in July, my cronies.

Not Quite Done Pocket

2006-05-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

We always said that the Wall of Wall satirized pop culture by becoming it, but in this case, the inverse effect has happened:Pop Culture satirizing the Wall of Wall by trying to become it. You can find these at Target I believe.

Facebook Fun

2006-04-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

This one goes out to all of you Facebookaholics out there, in particular our resident Mr. Facebook, Jon K. Expect these cool new faces to showing up on your campus, before we can say "Bob's your Uncle".

The Piano Man

2006-02-23T22:26:00.000-08:00

All you wannabe Beethoven's out there better watch out. The Piano Man's back in town. That's right the silent German master is this month's Brothers Bead of the month. With his rugged looks and dapper dress, he'll entertain you till the cows come home. Whether its playing his latest masterpiece or just hitting the same note over and over again, he is the one and only PIANO MAN.

The Coolest Brochure in the World. Ever.

2006-02-17T12:15:00.000-08:00

Here's a classic piece of Done Pocketure for you collection: The 108 brochure now avaliable online for your perusal. Here's to more mass propagation of our absurdity, ay gang.

Liver Show, Dinner Blow, Boi!

2006-02-16T22:09:00.000-08:00

The Wall of Wall has just been given a Liver transplant and about time too. Now it can pay homage to the wonders of Japanese After school activities, as reported by the Sapuro Irregular, The Ace. "Watch out Done Pocket Myers, you're next!" was all the Liver had to say as he fled the scene of the crime.

Blast from the Past

2005-12-05T02:12:00.000-08:00

The following is a photo of the original wall of wall, taken from the Laguna Beach Police dept's archives division. Study it carefully and see if you can notice the things that are still current and the other kinds of cosmetic surgery it has undergone.

A Cat type sitiation

2005-12-04T14:51:00.000-08:00

Eye on the Wall

2005-11-11T16:40:00.000-08:00

Bird Behaviour

2005-11-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

Return to Sender

2005-11-01T21:56:00.000-08:00

The return of the return of the Wall of Wall

2005-11-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

Here it is me ol' muckers. The day you're been praying and dreaming for all Summer long. The Wall of Wall has been reinstated to its position of supreme barometer for the culture of the other. After much fantasising about Done Pocket and Francis' movie night themed pieces, I thought "Oh screw it Crazy Cyber Al Johnson, just do it!", and I followed my usual creative pattern of smashing a whole bunch of random stuff together and hoping that somehow my aesthetic sense would keep the thing from exploding. Luckily I'm not alone in this venture, so hopeful I can take a few artistic hopefuls down with me. Yes, I'm recruiting the hottest, legal, neutered talent around, including the Brothers Bead, the Clayton Bros., the 108 St. Troupe, Done Pocket No Jacket 8 page Myers and other guests. So hold onto your cranium and prepare for the ultimate non-sequitar antidote to existential despair.